In six months …
An unborn baby is 2/3 of the way to seeing the world
Snow melts and flowers bloom
Days get shorter and nights get longer
A baby can go from being held to running everywhere
And according to the doctors, you could be gone.
Six months has never seemed so short.
Do you know …
I see the pain deep in your eyes when you’re zoning out into space.
I cry every time we come to chemo. Every time. Sometimes it’s because I watch and listen to the other patients. Often it’s because you’re not supposed to be one of the patients.
I touch your arm, your back, even your foot if it’s nearby as you sleep. I want to etch the memory of the feel of your warmth and your skin into my soul.
I beg God to heal you.
As exhausted and overwhelmed as I am, I fear the day when I can rest because that might well be the day you will be with Jesus.
I will never stop loving you. You are my best friend. You sought out God’s heart and then led mine.
Do you know … hmm, yes, I think you do.
Steve’s first chemo treatment was on Tuesday, June 7th. Day 1. That makes today Day 6, and let me tell ya, this past week has been pretty crappy. Imagine this: extreme fatigue, nausea, body aches, diarrhea, constipation, vomiting, extreme pain, weakness, food not tasting right … this, my friends, was my husband’s week.
Cancer is cruel and exhausting. Last night Steve was in so much pain that neither of us slept much. He took a tramadol for the pain, which, by the way, causes constipation. He was finally able to sleep, only to wake up this morning, take a sip of ice water, and puke. Then we had to change his urostomy bag. Because let’s not forget that the “normal” day to day activities must go on in the midst of chemo.
Please understand, I am not trying to whine or complain. I simply want a record of this journey and to share that journey – the good, the bad, and the ugly – with anyone who wants to walk this road with us.
On the flip side of the coin is the caregiver’s point of view. First and foremost, I’m watching the man I love suffer, and I am helpless to stop it. That’s the worst part. The rest can be summed up in one word: exhaustion. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion.
I get a Verse of the Day in my email. This morning I read this:
The entire verse reads:
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2
God, in the midst of all of this, You are here. You never leave us. We don’t understand the “why,” but we know You are sovereign. Jesus knows how every single physical pain feels, how every tear shed in sadness breaks the heart, and how desperately we pray for this cup to be removed. You are with us, no matter what, and we trust You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
As I sit here reading Genesis 8, the cool breeze of our fan gently blows upon me the fresh air from outdoors. With the massive amount of rain we’ve had here in Georgia the past two days came a pleasant drop in temperature, one that this former Northerner appreciates immensely. But I digress … back to Genesis! This chapter exhibits the receding of the floodwaters and the resting of Noah’s ark on Mount Ararat. Reading about how God sent “a wind to blow across the earth” (Genesis 8:1, New Living Translation), I closed my eyes and pictured the scene, complete with the wind of the fan on my face. Can you imagine the hope Noah and his family felt as the waters dried up bit by bit? Did Noah stand with his face at the window, feeling God’s wind and knowing their time in the ark was coming to an end with a new beginning awaiting he and his loved ones? Did anticipation mix with gratefulness within him, causing an overwhelming excitement to well up in his chest?
Later in the passage, we read that after leaving the ark, Noah built an altar to God and made the approved sacrifices (Genesis 8:20, NLT). The LORD was pleased with Noah’s sacrifice at the altar, and I believe He was also pleased with Noah’s obedience. The man built a humongous boat in a land that had not seen rain! He lived in conditions less than appealing … on a ship filled with animals and their waste (and for that matter, family and their waste too!), being tossed about by the waves of the rising flood. God spoke; Noah listened and obeyed without hesitation. He didn’t have all the answers, he may not have understood all that God was asking of him, but he moved forward anyway, all while worshipping his LORD. Afterward, God wiped away the waters that had engulfed Noah’s life for months.
The world in which my husband, Steve, and I reside was rocked over the past few months with his diagnosis of cancer. We have been tossed to and fro by the waves of emotional and physical pain, confusion, anger, and exhaustion, to the point of feeling like we were drowning. There have been glimpses of sunshine on the horizon, and there have been moments of darkness … a darkness that envelopes and desires the floodwaters to simply consume us and be done. We have cried out, “WHY God? What do You want from us?” We have wept a river full of tears. I personally read Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” and screamed, “HOW God? How is this GOOD?!”
I thank God for His children. In the midst of the pain and the questioning, a dear friend allowed me to vent freely, and she listened without judgment. She knows my faith is not shaken, and she, too, has experienced moments of confusion when circumstances seemed unfair. One day, I sent her a text about my feelings on the above verse. She prayed before sending this response: I don’t think we’re supposed to understand all things, just trust that He is with us through it all. The Holy Spirit’s peace washed over me when I read those words. I needed the reminder that indeed, God is with us every single step of the way though our flood. He never left Noah, and He isn’t leaving us.
Are the waters receding yet? Eh, not completely. We’re fighting a lifelong battle with high and low tides. But I know God’s promises are true. I trust, without a doubt, that He will continue to bless us and provide in ways that will blow our minds. We will praise His name and worship Him with every part of our lives … the good and the not so good. And our river of tears? Revelation 21:4 tells us, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Oh, sweet Jesus, how I long for that day! “He who is the faithful witness to all these things says, ‘Yes, I am coming soon!’ Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:20).
The Scream, 1893 by Edvard Munch
Mosquito?
Cicada?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee … to infinity(eeeeeeeeeeee)?
Can you hear that?
Why? Why can’t you hear that?
What do you mean, it’s not real?
I can hear it, all day, every day!
Why is my brain screaming at me?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee … it mocks me(eeeeeeeeeeee).
What’s the cure? (There is no cure.)
Make it stop! (It will not stop.)
But you can mask it! (Thanks a lot.)
If it gets worse … (WORSE THAN THIS?!)
Why am I yelling? To drown out the noise!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee … just let me be(eeeeeeeeeeee)!
Cover my ears; it’s there.
Turn up the music; it’s there.
White noise, violet noise, brown noise; it’s there.
I don’t want a mask, a cover, a distraction.
I want silence.
Shh. Just … shh.
Focus
On anything, on everything
But that reflection in the mirror
Selfies
Taken from above not below
Never show the rolls or the excess
Why
Am I brainwashed, blinded
By the notion that beauty is a size
Trapped
Not in a body I hate
But in a mind that refuses to let go …
And overcome
The following is taken from my critique of The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment by Clifford and Joyce Penner.
The Physical Dimension
Summary
The physical dimension of sexuality describes the human bodies, their sexual functions, and body image. According to the Penners (2003), many people do not spend time exploring their bodies and getting to know what makes them tick, so to speak. God created our bodies with an intricate, perfect design, as explained in the Old Testament: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14, NLT). In order to better relate sexually, one must understand and explore this workmanship of the Creator, and then share those findings between spouses.
Furthermore, bringing up children to understand their bodies without shame gives those children a greater chance of developing healthy sexuality when they are adults. Parents teach their children to respect and love their bodies – including the genitals – or to think of them as dirty, naughty, or simply bad. There is a difference between innocent touching and exploration of their bodies and sexual perversion. Although it is a personal, private matter, parents can nurture a healthy sexual attitude within their children by guiding them rather than condemning them for their curiosity.
A healthy sexual attitude includes body image. The Penners (2003) write, “How we feel about ourselves affects how we relate to another person, particularly sexually” (p. 35). Body image is the attitude toward the body, notably regarding appearance. Body size, shape, and weight, as well as specifics regarding the breasts for women and the penis for men are all under one’s own personal scrutiny. These items can been viewed with too much negativity or too much positivity; if an individual’s self-esteem is based solely on having the apparent perfect body, this is just as unhealthy as being too critical. Body image is developed via three factors: the sensory experiences from childhood, the feedback received from others during maturity to adulthood, and the models with which people compare themselves (Penner, 2003). Moreover, there are also three steps that can be applied in order to resolve challenges with body image. First, a person must examine his or her view of self and gain helpful feedback from trusted others. Second, cultivate ways to perhaps change things about one’s body. Lastly, an individual should evaluate those models of comparison and realize that actors, models, and others in the media spotlight are not always what they seem. The model for our lives should always be Jesus. The bible clearly states that, “The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b, NLT).
Critique
Once again, Clifford and Joyce Penner provide expert guidance on the technical aspects of anatomy and functionality, as well as beneficial knowledge on body image. In exploring the aspect of body image, Cohen and Blaszczynski (2015) take a specific look at topic of using others to determine a positive or negative self-image. The Penners (2003) mention the distorted images from the media; one must understand that cameras, airbrushing, and other techniques are used to create so-called perfect faces and bodies. In fact, body image distortion (BID) is nothing new, especially among women of all ages. BID is “the negative evaluations of one’s physical body, shape and weight” (Cohen & Blaszczynski, 2015, p. 1). There is a direct correlation between exposure to the media’s physical appearance ideal and BID.
According to recent studies, college-aged individuals are utilizing social networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram as their social resource more so than traditional means such as television or magazines (Cohen & Blaszczynski, 2015). Not only are people turning more to social networking sites, but growing sources reveal the addictive properties of these sites. Whereas it is believed that most people do understand that images on the television and magazine are altered to create a certain ideal, the perception that people on Facebook or other sites are genuine, since most of them are peers. Therefore, the relationship between appearance comparison and BID becomes a greater battle; women believe they do not measure up to other real women, rather than professional models. Interestingly enough, studies of social networking sites have steadily revealed that users “strategically manipulate their profiles in accordance with societal ideals of attractiveness” (Cohen & Blaszczynski, 2015, p. 2). Nobody posts an unflattering photo of oneself on Facebook.
Along with the physical images on social networking sites, BID is associated with the conversations that take place. Unlike conventional media, there is feedback on sites like Facebook; this includes posts regarding food, exercise, health habits, weight, and optimal body size (Cohen & Blaszczynski, 2015). According to Cohen & Blaszczynski (2015), a recent study indicated the following:
70.2% of profiles of American undergraduate students referenced exercise and 12.3%, eating habits … Of 600 Facebook users aged 16 to 40, 50% reported that Facebook content made them more body-conscious; 31% feeling “sad” as a result of comparing photos of themselves to those of Facebook friends, and 44% reported desiring the same body or weight as Facebook friends (p. 2).
The conclusion is that as society becomes more addicted to social networking sites, the relationship between appearance comparison and BID will continue to grow. Sites such as Facebook are at a minimum on the same level as traditional media regarding negative effects on body image.
Body image from a biblical point of view points to very beginning, where it is written, “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27, NLT). Granted, what people do with their bodies can be physically damaging. However, to be created in the image of the Creator reveals a deeper beauty than could ever be portrayed on any movie screen, in any magazine, or on any social networking “selfie”. Because of sin in this world, there will be wounds that alter an individual’s self-perception, including body image. Yet God promises to heal the broken, as in Isaiah 61:3: “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair” (NLT). God is able to take pain and produce glory in every aspect of human life, including body image.
References
Cohen, R., & Blaszczynski, A. (2015). Comparative effects of Facebook and conventional media on body image dissatisfaction. Journal of Eating Disorders, 3(23), 1-11. DOI:
10.1186/s40337-015-0061-3
Penner, C., & Penner, J. (2003). The gift of sex: A guide to sexual fulfillment. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson
As I sit here on NYE awaiting the arrival of the new year, I realize that much like this year’s presidential election, I may not be exactly “for” 2017 so much as I’m “anti” 2016. My word, it’s been a rough one in just about every way, shape and form. The media has focused upon the numerous deaths of celebrities; I admit, it’s been easy as a child of the 80’s to get caught up in the “what the heck?!” feeling that for some reason, 2016 set out to attack my teenage memories.
Celebrities weren’t the only ones who met tragedy over the past year. 2016 was bathed in conflict, controversy, and sadness: racial tension, police officers and criminals, natural disasters, religious doctrines, sex-trafficking, ISIS, battles over human rights. I couldn’t listen to the radio or check out social media without discovering another tug-of-war within humanity. Often times, it was too much to stomach. (We won’t even go into the hatred spewed during this year’s election.) What was happening to this world?! Is this how God created people to be?!
Toss into mix my own family trials that knocked the wind right out of us in 2016. My mother suffered a stroke in late August and is still in rehabilitation. This prompted an unexpected trip to visit her in September, during which my husband underwent an emergency appendectomy while my daughter and I were traveling back to GA from PA. (He arrived home with the help from a friend about the time I walked through our kitchen door.) My husband had other bouts in the ER throughout the year. My sister-in-law had a cancer scare and thyroid surgery. And me? Well, I received the gift of the beginnings of menopause in January and was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. In March, I had a traumatic flashback from childhood that caused my depression to spiral. (I am not ready to journey down that blogger’s road by sharing the deep darkness of my past, although I am sure that day is coming.) As my depression worsened, my physician decided medication was the best route. It would be easy to bitterly, with tongue in cheek, exclaim a sarcastic, “Thank YOU, 2016!” and insert a few Fred Flintstone grumbles in place of cussing out the whole year.
Yet it will do me no good to yell and scream obscenities as Auld Lang Syne plays somewhere in the distance. The more I struggled personally, the louder God’s voice became as He guided me to one particular verse: “But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and He will stand upon the earth at last” (Job 19:25, New Living Translation). I had to hold on to His promise in the midst of this tumultuous year. I’ve learned in my counseling courses that although a complete dichotomy stands between the evil in this world and the goodness that is God, making it impossible at times to believe that there can be one AND the other … both do indeed exist. God is good, He has always been good, He will always be good. Satan may have his sway on this earth now, but eternity sees him bound in hell while my God reigns forevermore. I am reminded that while suffering takes place, it – and all of this life for that matter – is temporary. My husband and I were discussing getting older and losing loved ones, and he brought up a good point. When we were very young, we thought that 40 was old. Now we are in our 40s, and we realize a lifetime has passed in the blink of an eye. Soon, Lord willing, we will be in our 60s and eventually 80s, and it, too, will fly by just as quickly as this half of our lives. Thank GOD for eternity, or what would be the point of this short little life?
So goodbye to 2016, a year of painful lessons – some visible, others, not so much. I have to hold on to my faith in God and His promise that no tears are wasted. He has a purpose for each and every one, and I praise Him for the day when “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever” (Revelation 21:4, NLT).
Welcome, 2017. And come, Lord Jesus, come.
I look back at the old me:
The thinner me,
The filthy-on-the-inside me,
And I don’t want to be her (do I want to be her?).
I don’t miss the way she was (oh, how I miss the way she looked!).
So I keep running away from her,
Protecting myself from her with food and fat.
I see my picture and ugh, I look like that?!
I can’t bear to see what I’ve become!
Different now? Yes.
Better now? Yes.
All on the inside, all on the inside.
Yet I am unhealthy, inside and out.
Eating my emotions. Sabotaging my health.
Not afraid to die, except for the pain.
Not wanting to die … but is this not a slow form of suicide?
Take another bite. (Not worth the fight.)
Feeling disgusted. Feeling defeated.
How ridiculous this must seem, in a world of pain.
No one to blame but myself.
Why can’t I just get this right?
Why do I care so much (but you ARE beautiful … lies, lies!)?
He thinks I’m beautiful (how? why?).
God beautifully wove me, right?
So tired of the struggle.
So tired of the fight.
Not giving up … but can’t seem to find …
Victory tonight.
In today’s society, advertisements are seen on TV, on the Internet, on billboards, in catalogs, and outside retail stores. Advertisers are trying to grab our attention, and one method they use is sensuality. Because teenagers are a target market for certain companies, such as clothing stores, some ads are designed to reach the teenage desire to be good-looking and popular. Images used in advertisements for companies such as Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister Co. are specifically targeting the sexual side of adolescents, creating the idea that in order to be attractive, one must be thin, beautiful, and sexy. The American Psychological Association created a task force to study the effects of sexualization, specifically of girls, in the media and advertising. This task force discovered that sexualization is rampant in the media, that it has increased over the past 40 years, and that there are a variety of negative consequences that can result from exposure to this sexualization. In addition, the Bible warns humanity against sexual immorality. It is unlikely that companies will change their methods of advertising; it is up to parents and other responsible adults to guide teenagers toward healthy standards and godly morals.
Teenage fashion should be fun, yet modest.
Walk through a typical shopping mall, and you will see droves of them: teenagers. The mall is the teenager’s place to socialize, eat, and, of course, shop. Teens spend the biggest part of their budget, approximately 21 percent, on clothing (Reagan, 2013). It stands to reason that clothing retailers use their advertisements to grab the attention of our youth. Unfortunately, the message that some popular companies are sending is a negative one, promoting “sexualization,” in particular, of girls (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). The notion is that in order to be considered beautiful, one must be sexy; in order to be considered sexy, one must be sexual. When this idea is embraced by adolescents, it lays the foundation for harmful consequences.
Two clothing stores that top the teenage shopping list are Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister Co. Ironically, both companies promote advertisements that feature minimal clothing and maximum sexuality, as seen in this Abercrombie & Fitch ad (Levinson, 2013).
Abercrombie & Fitch is not only known for displaying images of scantily clad young adults in sensual poses, but they embrace the fact that their models are the epitome of what society considers good-looking. In a 2006 interview, the company’s CEO Michael Jeffries confirmed that his main marketing tactic is to focus on “hot people” (Levinson, 2013). Jeffries was quoted as saying, “A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.” (Levinson, 2013). Abercrombie & Fitch does not carry extra-large sizes in female apparel in order to limit their clientele to only thin individuals (Levinson, 2013). There is a specific image Jeffries wants displayed in his advertisements and in his stores. He made the statement that, “In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids.” (Levinson, 2013).
Hollister Co., a subsidiary of Abercrombie & Fitch that features “SoCal” styles imprinted with the Hollister logo, is also popular with the youth of today (Abercrombie, n.d.). It is no surprise that the same advertising method is utilized by both companies. While the models in this Hollister image are wearing a bit more clothing than the Abercrombie & Fitch photo referenced above, the theme still runs true: thin, beautiful, sexy people displaying sensuality (Mulkeen, 2010). Even if this were an advertisement for swimwear, there is barely any swimsuit to be seen.
How do advertisements such as these affect the youth of today? “Journalists, child advocacy organizations, parents and psychologists have argued that the sexualization of girls is a broad and increasing problem and is harmful to girls” (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). Although the American Psychological Association (APA) has studied the impact media and advertising have on children for years, these studies were focused on violence and not on sexualization. Because of this, the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls was formed (Zurbriggen et al., 2007).
Sexualization occurs when a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or
behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; a person is held to a standard that equates
physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; a person is sexually objectified –
that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity
for independent action and decision making; and/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon
a person. (Zurbriggen et al., 2007)
The task force discovered that sexualization of women was found in practically all media forms, “including television, music videos, music lyrics, movies, magazines, sports media, video games, the Internet and advertising” (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). Examples of advertisements sexualizing females were not hard to find; sexualization was seen in ads for tennis shoes, dolls, and even thongs specifically sized for pre-teen girls (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). Sexualization is not limited to only females; however, men are less likely overall to be displayed in a sexual light. As witnessed in the Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister Co. advertisements, there is a “narrow and unrealistic standard of physical beauty heavily emphasized” (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). In addition, research has shown that over a 40-year period, the number of ads promoting sexualization has increased (Zurbriggen et al., 2007). As a result, society sexualizes females. Not only do girls have a narrow view of beauty to emulate, but males may have decreased interest in ladies who do not meet the unrealistic standards set by the media (Zurbriggen et al., 2007).
There are other negative effects of sexualization and objectification of women in advertising. Cognitive consequences can occur, such as the inability to focus on anything other than physical appearance. Emotional results include low self-esteem and anxiety. Mental and physical health problems may arise in the forms of depression and eating disorders (Zurbriggen et al., 2007).
From a Biblical perspective, there is nothing positive about sex in advertising. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5a reads, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion” (NASB). Advertisers using sex in an attempt to sell a product are not adhering to the commandments of God, but rather, are seeking the almighty dollar. Matthew 18:7 warns, “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes” (NASB).
In a society full of visual imagery, it is difficult to turn a blind eye to every negative influence. Advertisers want our business, and they are willing to use powerful displays to get our attention. Teenagers form a target market; unfortunately, companies prey upon their heightened hormones and sexual curiosity to lure them into buying their merchandise. The sensual images and objectification of females and males can lead to negative consequences in the emotional, physical, social, and spiritual lives of adolescents submerged in today’s media. We may not be able to control the advertisers, but we can reinforce healthy, positive standards and Biblical morals to fight against the sexualization that surrounds us through advertising.
References
Abercrombie & Fitch. (n.d.) Retrieved from http://www.abercrombie.com.
Levinson, S. (2013, May 3). Abercrombie & fitch ceo explains why he hates fat chicks. Retrieved from http://elitedaily.com/news/world/abercrombie-fitch-ceo-explains-why-he- hates-fat-chicks/.
Mulkeen, M. (2010, September 2). Hollister’s immersive retail experience. Retrieved from http://www.postadvertising.com/2010/09/hollisters-immersive-retail-experience/.
New American Standard Bible. Ultrathin Reference Edition. The Lockman Foundation. La Habra, CA: Foundation Publications, Inc., 1998. Print.
Reagan, C. (2013, May 30). Teen angst: Retailers fight for relevance. Retrieved from http://www.cnbc.com/id/100774191.
Zurbriggen, E.L., Collins, R.L., Lamb, S., Roberts, T., Tolman, D.L., Ward, L.M., & Blake, J. (2007). Report of the apa task force on the sexualization of girls. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx.
Inside Out 