Archives

Everything I Learned About Being a Mother-In-Law, I Learned From My Mom.

In the midst of my divorce, I had a conversation with my mother that stuck with me.  She asked, “Are you sure you’re not going to get back together?”  My answer was an emphatic, “no.”  She stressed the point: “Are you POSITIVE?”  Yes, I was positive.  Then she said, “Because you may forgive him for hurting you, but your father and I won’t.”  This was one of the first things I shared with my daughter when she got married: you can talk to me about anything, but remember that if you complain to me about your husband, it will be much easier for you to forgive him than it will be for me to do so.  It’s that whole “mama bear” thing.  Mess with me, fine.  Mess with my child, and it’s on.

Having said that, I love my son-in-law like he’s one of my own kids.  We can talk, we can joke, and we can praise Jesus together.  He works hard to support his precious little (growing) family; he loves my daughter and their children deeply.  Key point: it is their family.  Although my daughter will always be my daughter, and although their household is part of my family, they are now husband and wife.  Their own unit.  Their own entity.  The Bible teaches us in Genesis 2:22-24, “The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘Woman’ because she was taken out of Man.’  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (New American Standard Bible).

My son-in-law and me.

My son-in-law and me.

When it comes to my own marriage (and the marriages of my siblings), my mother has followed a few guidelines, and I follow her example.  Hopefully, this will make me the kind of mother and MIL that is honored as much as I honor my mom.  Read on …

  1. Let them be their own family.  This encompasses so many areas!  Holidays immediately come to mind.  It is OKAY for your child and his/her spouse to start their own traditions, to visit other family members, and to not spend every waking moment with you.  Yes, this is hard, especially if you grew up in a family as close-knit as mine who had die-hard traditions when it came to the holidays.  Please remember that your child married someone who has a family too.  Please remember how hard it was when you got married and tried to lug the kids to several different homes (possibly while bundled up for the winter weather) in order to make everyone happy.  Please remember that your child and in-law may create beautiful new traditions that your grandchildren will remember fondly one day.  It doesn’t mean not seeing them, but please be flexible.  The day after Christmas can be just as special – it’s about the memories, not the exact day.  “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18, NASB).
  2. Let their business be their business.  Praying for your adult children and their spouses is absolutely appropriate.  Sharing their confidences with anyone else is not.  Be trustworthy.  “Keep sound wisdom and discretion, so they will be life to your soul and adornment to your neck” (Proverbs 3:21b-22, NASB).
  3. Let them come to you for advice.  This means don’t butt in with your opinions.  Ever.  I mean it.  Just don’t.  Unless you were blessed with a wonderful MIL, you remember what it was (or is!) like to have advice, opinions, and judgment pressed upon you when it wasn’t wanted.  Oh, this includes your ideas on child rearing.  Ouch.  Let them be parents, and trust that yes, they will make mistakes.  We did.  We still do.  But also trust that they love their children and are raising them the way they feel is best.  That is their job, not yours. Now, if they ask for your advice, give it in a gentle and loving manner.  “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” (Proverbs 3:3, NASB).
  4. Let them struggle.  You may be thinking that is just cruel.  No, it’s not.  I do not mean you should abandon them, cut off all support, and hang them out to dry.  However, I do mean that if you pay their way throughout their lives, they will never learn to stand on their own.  Marriage is about struggles.  Sometimes those struggles are financial, sometimes they are emotional, but without pain, we do not learn life’s lessons – and we most certainly do not grow or mature.  There will be occasions when lending a helping hand (or dollar) will be appropriate.  Do not let it become a crutch they depend upon every time they get into trouble.  “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NASB).
  5. Let them think for themselves.  In the end, the struggles with “letting go” of our children comes from our inherent need to be in control.  Face it, they are not small children anymore.  They have thoughts and ideas and dreams and goals.  They may not agree with you (gasp!) – and that means their spouses may not agree with you.  Do not assume that every decision made in their home that you don’t like was made by the spouse.  It doesn’t matter – they are now one flesh, united in God and in love, and they need to be allowed to make their own decisions as their own precious family.  Love them.  Encourage them.  Emotionally support them.  Above all, pray for them.  “But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’  Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:6-8, NASB).

Women never stop being mothers.  We will love our children until there is no breath left within us.  We need to honor our God and our grown children by showing love, respect, courtesy, privacy, and encouragement.  You are already an example – be a good one.  “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:3-5, NASB).

Loving the Strong-Willed Child Without Losing One’s Mind, Part 5: Biblical Perspective

The Strong-Willed Child: Biblical Perspective

            God’s word is the blueprint for life. People often say, “Too bad kids don’t come with an instruction manual!” God provided His instruction manual – the Bible. Throughout the Bible, God directed parents on how to raise children in a way that honors Him. God’s word also contains several recollections of strong-willed children and their parents; some events had happy endings, and others ended in tragedy. Point being, God is the foremost Authority in parenthood.

Parents who are obedient to God in child rearing are not guaranteed a life free of struggles, but they are promised the Lord’s blessings. One of the most-noted verses surrounding God’s promise to parents is Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (New King James Version). This does not mean that children of Christian parents will not go astray. Each person, young and old, has the gift of free will. Everyone must make his or her own choices in life. This verse assures parents that the seeds they plant within a child, whether spiritually, mentally, physically, or emotionally, will remain with that child forever. Those seeds will influence a child’s life; therefore, they need to be a reflection of God the Father’s parental guidance of His children.

“Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1a, NKJV)

“Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1a, NKJV)

There are a variety of parental accounts within the Bible; the following show drastic differences in parenting styles and the results of each. In the second chapter of First Samuel, the record of Eli the priest and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, was told: “Now the sons of Eli were corrupt; they did not know the LORD” (1 Samuel 2:12, NKJV). The story goes on to reveal the abominations committed by Eli’s sons, his repeated warnings to them about what would happen should they not repent, the sons’ continued disobedience, and finally, God’s wrath upon the family. God was not just angry at Eli’s sons for their disobedient and ungodly behavior; He was angry with Eli for allowing them to continuously dishonor Him. In a prophecy revealed to Eli, God said, “Why do you kick at My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling place, and honor your sons more than Me, to make yourselves fat with the best of all the offerings of Israel My people?” (1 Samuel 2:29, NKJV). The very first of the Ten Commandments is, “I am the LORD your God … You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:2-3, NKJV). By allowing his sons to go undisciplined, not only were they committing grievous sins against the LORD, but Eli was putting them above God and breaking God’s law. This would no longer go unpunished; God allowed both Hophni and Phinehas to be killed by the Philistines on the same day, and immediately after receiving the news, Eli fell off of a wall and died. Parents must consider the spiritual consequences of allowing children – even strong-willed children – to remain undisciplined. God not only holds children responsible for their actions; He holds the parents accountable.

In the book of Luke, a second narrative of a disobedient child is told. In “The Parable of the Lost (or Prodigal) Son,” Jesus described a grown son who does not wish to wait for his father to die before gaining his inheritance; he demanded it, and the father granted it. One may be lead to believe that the father was too permissive. However, to read the entire account paints the picture of a wealthy, intelligent, industrious and well-respected man. In Luke 15:17, the son had lost everything and recalled his father’s character: “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!’” (NKJV). This father was fair, not only to his kin, but to those who served him. It must be remembered, too, that there was a second son who obeyed his father and did not squander his fortune, as described in Luke 15:25-31. Therefore, the prodigal son appears to be the typical strong-willed child; in spite of his father’s loving yet firm discipline, he demanded his own way. His father allowed him to find his way in the world, and the son failed miserably. Lesson learned. The son recognized his foolishness, repented to God, and headed home to ask forgiveness of his earthly father. Godly parenting was mirrored perfectly when this rebellious young man’s father not only forgave him for his disobedience, but he celebrated his return and showered him with love. Parents would be wise to heed this example when children seek forgiveness. Yet this is not just the story of a father’s loving forgiveness. The fact that the son wanted to go home and knew he could go home provides another key about how well this father parented his son. In the face of adversity and defeat, this young man sought proximity and closeness to his father, felt that Dad was a safe haven, was sad at the possible loss of a relationship with his father, and although his explorations proved disastrous, knew his father would be there for him when he returned home. The relationship between this wayward son and his father demonstrates the role of attachment in angry and defiant children (AACC, 2006). This father had rules, but because he had a strong, loving relationship with his son, the young man was able to eventually accept discipline, even if learned the hard way.

Parents who embrace the word of God in their lives and instill His teachings in their children can gain strength in knowing they are never alone. The apostle Paul instructed the Ephesians with these words: “And you, fathers (or parents), do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, NKJV). No parent has ever been or will ever be perfect, with the exception of our heavenly Father. There are genuine, solid, practical measures that can be applied to parenting the strong-willed child, or to parenting in general, that will promote a healthy, happy home. However, God’s word stands true, and in the words of the psalmist, “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1a, NKJV).


References

American Association of Christian Counselors (2006). Angry, defiant, and violent kids (presentation). Available from Liberty University Online.

Bernstein, J. (2014, February 26). Five anxiety-lowering strategies for children [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog.liking-the-child-you-love/201402/five-anxiety-lowering-strategies-children

Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring for people God’s way. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Loving your child too much. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1998). Boundaries with kids. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Crabb, L. (1977). Effective biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Dobbs, J. (2004). The new strong-willed child. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Flaskerud, J.H. (2011). Discipline and effective parenting. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 32,82-84. doi: 10.3109/01612840.2010.498078

Karreman, A., de Hass, S., van Tuijl, C., van Aken, M., & Dekovic, M. (2009). Relations among temperament, parenting and problem behavior in young children. Infant Behavior & Development, 33, 39-49. doi: 10.1016/j.infbeh.2009.10.008

Meeker, M. (2010, May 4). Staying sane with strong-willed kids [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/family-matters/201005/staying-sane-strong-willed-kids

Strong-willed. (n.d.). In Cambridge dictionaries online. Retrieved from http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/strong-willed

Turner, E. (2013, June 24). 4 tips for managing parenting stress [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201306/4-tips-managing-parenting-stress

Loving the Strong-Willed Child Without Losing One’s Mind, Part 2: Causes of Behavior

The Strong-Willed Child: Causes of Behavior

It is not unusual for parents to, at some point in their journey, question their abilities to raise their children properly. As a parent, I have looked back upon the lives of my two grown daughters and counted endless mistakes that may have adversely affected them as children and now as adults. When it comes to the strong-willed child, from where does this behavior stem? It is true that children are little sponges who learn many behaviors throughout their lives. Likewise, different situations will affect a child’s behavior. When it comes to temperament, however, each child comes into this world with his or her own unique individuality (Dobson, 2004). In a study regarding temperament, parenting, and problem behavior in children, temperament was defined as, “constitutionally based individual differences in reactivity and self-regulation, as seen in the emotional, motor, and attentional domains” (Karreman, de Haas, van Tuijl, van Aken, & Dekovic, 2009). Karreman et al. (2009) further explained that “constitutionally based” means that “temperament is biologically based, but influenced over time by genes, environment, and experience.”

pregnancy_photo

According to the AACC (2006), ten to fifteen percent of children with a difficult temperament are born that way. Studies have shown that seventy percent or more of personality is inherited (Dobson, 2004). Having at least one strong-willed child is not unusual. In fact, compared to easy-going children, there are nearly three times as many tough-minded kids (Dobson, 2004). Headstrong boys outnumber girls by five percent, and birth order is not a component (Dobson, 2004). Because children are born with their temperament, it is not surprising that parents may detect tenacious behavior early on; one-third of parents recognize the strong-willed child at birth, two-thirds become aware by the child’s first birthday, and ninety-two percent know by time the child turns three (Dobson, 2004). Because personality is, in part, inherited, it makes sense that if both parents are strong-willed, then they are more likely to give birth to a strong-willed youngster (Dobson, 2004). Genetics may explain temperament, but being born a certain way does not permit a lack of boundaries as one matures. Dr. Dobson touched on this truth when he wrote, “…heredity provides a nudge in a particular direction – a definite impulse or inclination – but one that can be brought under the control of our rational processes. In fact, we must learn early in life to do just that” (2004).


References

American Association of Christian Counselors (2006). Angry, defiant, and violent kids (presentation). Available from Liberty University Online.

Bernstein, J. (2014, February 26). Five anxiety-lowering strategies for children [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog.liking-the-child-you-love/201402/five-anxiety-lowering-strategies-children

Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring for people God’s way. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Loving your child too much. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1998). Boundaries with kids. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Crabb, L. (1977). Effective biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Dobbs, J. (2004). The new strong-willed child. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Flaskerud, J.H. (2011). Discipline and effective parenting. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 32,82-84. doi: 10.3109/01612840.2010.498078

Karreman, A., de Hass, S., van Tuijl, C., van Aken, M., & Dekovic, M. (2009). Relations among temperament, parenting and problem behavior in young children. Infant Behavior & Development, 33, 39-49. doi: 10.1016/j.infbeh.2009.10.008

Meeker, M. (2010, May 4). Staying sane with strong-willed kids [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/family-matters/201005/staying-sane-strong-willed-kids

Strong-willed. (n.d.). In Cambridge dictionaries online. Retrieved from http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/strong-willed

Turner, E. (2013, June 24). 4 tips for managing parenting stress [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201306/4-tips-managing-parenting-stress

Loving the Strong-Willed Child Without Losing One’s Mind: Part 1, Characteristics

I recently completed a research paper for my Christian Counseling of Children class at Liberty University.  I feel the content is worth sharing with parents; therefore, I will publish this paper as a 5-part series.

Abstract

When parents bring home their newborn baby, they are filled with hopes and dreams of what the future holds for that child and their family. If the season comes when parents realize they are raising a strong-willed child, those hopes and dreams may become filled with battles and tears. This does not mean the situation is hopeless. There are measures parents can take to lovingly and effectively guide strong-willed children toward healthy relationships within the home, which will, in turn, steer them toward becoming healthy, well-adjusted adults. In addition, parents have resources that will allow them to find relief from the extra stressors involved when raising strong-willed children. Above all, the foundation of a truly successful family life is God. When parents exemplify Him as they raise their children, kids will develop a positive attitude toward God and a strong relationship with Mom and Dad. When these factors are combined, peace and balance can replace the chaos and frustration of raising a strong-willed child.

My strong-willed granddaughter, whom I adore!

My strong-willed granddaughter!

Introduction
As a child, one may have heard it. As a parent, one may have said it. In the midst of anger, frustration, and maybe even tears, those infamous words surface: “I hope one day you have a child who acts just like you do!” Although there is no scientific evidence to prove this, chances are those words are rarely, if ever, uttered during loving moments or toward a compliant child. “The curse” is directed toward the strong-willed child. What characterizes this child? What causes such behavior? What, if any, are the effective ways to guide and discipline the strong-willed child? Just as importantly, what measures can parents take in order to manage stress and simply not give up while raising this child? Finally, what instruction does the Bible provide regarding child rearing in general, but more specifically, regarding children who require extra effort? Delving into each of these questions will allow us to better understand these determined children, their potential for greatness, and how to help them reach that potential without losing all sanity – and a loving parent-child relationship – along the way.

The Strong-Willed Child: Characteristics
Stubborn. Determined. Rebellious. These adjectives paint the picture of the child we describe as strong-willed. According to the Cambridge Dictionaries Online, the English definition of strong-willed is, “(of a person) determined to do what is wanted, even if other people disagree or disapprove” (n.d.). What is often referred to as the “terrible twos” continues into the threes, fours, and beyond, making childhood a struggle over authority and the teenage years a battle with rebellion. In her blog on the Psychology Today website, pediatrician Dr. Meg Meeker described strong-willed kids as follows: “They cry more. They sleep less. Their first, second, and third words are: no, no and no again” (Meeker, 2010). Licensed psychologist and marriage, family, and child counselor Dr. James Dobson wrote, “As toddlers, their greatest delights include painting the carpet with Mom’s makeup … As older children and teenagers, they are irritable, defiant, and seemingly bent on challenging all forms of authority” (Dobson, 2004). Strong-willed children have excessive energy; they are commanding and like to march to the “beat of their own drum,” or in other words, “my way or the highway” (American Association of Christian Counselors, 2006). Furthermore, kids who have a difficult temperament tend to be more cantankerous, more reactive and impetuous, more emotional, and experience greater difficulty with transitions (AACC, 2006).

Although these typical characteristics of strong-willed children can bring out the anxiety and frustration in parents, the core determination is not a negative feature. These kids may push the limits of authority, testing to see who is in charge, and they may dislike being inhibited; however, parents need to set healthy boundaries, provide appropriate guidance, and develop the solid, enduring confidence within strong-willed children. As noted by Drs. Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy, “this same trait of having a strong will, while viewed with derision in childhood, is honored and valued in adulthood” (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Parents should not want to destroy the will of the child, rather, they should desire the type of relationship that will allow the best qualities of this child to flourish.


References

American Association of Christian Counselors (2006). Angry, defiant, and violent kids (presentation). Available from Liberty University Online.

Bernstein, J. (2014, February 26). Five anxiety-lowering strategies for children [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog.liking-the-child-you-love/201402/five-anxiety-lowering-strategies-children

Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring for people God’s way. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Loving your child too much. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1998). Boundaries with kids. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Crabb, L. (1977). Effective biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Dobbs, J. (2004). The new strong-willed child. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Flaskerud, J.H. (2011). Discipline and effective parenting. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 32, 82-84. doi: 10.3109/01612840.2010.498078

Karreman, A., de Hass, S., van Tuijl, C., van Aken, M., & Dekovic, M. (2009). Relations among temperament, parenting and problem behavior in young children. Infant Behavior & Development, 33, 39-49. doi: 10.1016/j.infbeh.2009.10.008

Meeker, M. (2010, May 4). Staying sane with strong-willed kids [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/family-matters/201005/staying-sane-strong-willed-kids

Strong-willed. (n.d.). In Cambridge dictionaries online. Retrieved from http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/strong-willed

Turner, E. (2013, June 24). 4 tips for managing parenting stress [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201306/4-tips-managing-parenting-stress

Determined

1-Corinthians_15-57

Dear God,

Today, I just want to thank You.  So many times I come to You with my list of requests.  I know You want me to pray to You, to ask of You, to seek You – and I praise You for always being there.  I know You hear my prayers.  I know You answer each and every one, whether it is yes, no, or wait.  Thank You for knowing what is best and giving me the faith and the strength to carry on, no matter what.

Today, though, I come to you in worship and praise.  Thank You for placing within my heart the desire to be #determined this week.

  • Determined to spend more time with You in Your word and in prayer.
  • Determined to be obedient to You by eating what is right for my life at this time.
  • Determined to seek You when Satan whispered so many lies, trying to make me fall.
  • Determined to show humility, grace, love, and support in my marriage.
  • Determined to share Your promises with others.

I know I am not perfect – but You are.  I know there are times when I am weak – and that is when Your strength is made perfect.  I know I am nothing without You – and that in You, and You alone, there is victory.  Thank you, my Father, my Lord, my God, for being You.

I love You!

In Jesus name, Amen.

If We Are One Body, What Part Am I?

“For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ” (1 Corinthians 12:12, NASB).

About 18 months ago, my husband felt God’s call to preach. I was thrilled.  After all, that was what I had desired; I wanted to be the wife of a man after God’s own heart, a man devoted to the ministry, a man who served the Lord.  What I didn’t expect was the fear and questioning that would shortly thereafter grab hold of my heart.

Since that day, I have watched my husband grow in his walk with Jesus.  God lit a fire inside of his heart that burns for knowledge of His Word and sharing it with others.  I’ve found myself almost envious at times of how easily he shares the Gospel with others.  Yes, there is no doubt in my mind that God has called him to preach His message.

So we started college together; he is majoring in religion and I am majoring in psychology with a cognate in Christian counseling.  We prayed and felt God leading us to minister together.  Although it is challenging to go to school (even online), find time for each other and family, balance church in the mix and work full time, we’ve made it happen.

Then my husband felt God leading him to start a church plant, beginning with a weekly Bible study in our home.  Whoa, whoa, wait – so now people will come into our house?  Our house is small.  Quite small.  We have busy schedules, so although our home is tidy, cleaning is not always at the top of the priority list in the midst of everything else.  It’s clean … it’s not “company clean.”  Great, so now I have to fit that into my schedule. And what do you mean start a church plant?  Start a church? Now?  You’re not even ordained yet!  Nevertheless, we began our weekly study. To be honest, we were the only ones to show.  I did my best to encourage him, letting him know that the ones who were meant to be there, were there.  We studied Elijah together and it was a wonderful blessing.  Secretly, I was glad it was just the two of us.

After some rearranging of bedrooms, he got the idea to make our addition the sanctuary.  Okay, that’s better; it has its own bathroom and entrance, so sure, why not?  Yet I don’t think I was entirely convinced that this church plant would happen very quickly, so I didn’t share his urgency in getting the room clean and ready. In fact, I didn’t do much of anything to help at all.  My prayers did not include one about this church growing, or even forming for that matter.  What happened?

I lost sight of God’s vision.  Instead of trusting Him for everything involved in this ministry, I began to worry.  I worried about my husband and his abilities.  I worried about a church board that did not yet exist.  I worried about finances if the ministry become full-time.  I worried about that (imaginary) lady in the back who complained about what I wore that day.  I worried … about me.

One of the first questions my husband asked after feeling God’s call was “Why me?”  This was quickly followed with “doesn’t God know my past??”  Our pastor’s words to him reflected what I knew to be true: God can use your past to minister to others.  That is true for each and every one of us.  Read the Bible and it is evident that God uses some pretty messed up people all for HIS glory!  Since the day he felt the call, I have encouraged him repeatedly that God would use him, not only in spite of his past, but because of it.

Evidently my philosophy along the way became do as I say, not as I believe about myself.  God, don’t You know what I’ve done?  How far from you I strayed?  Yes, yes, your grace is sufficient to cover my sins, and yes, I want to serve you now, but hello?  A pastor’s wife?  I’m just not up for that challenge.  Life in the fishbowl.  Under a microscope. Come on, really?

Something happens when we’re honest with God; He is honest right back.  He touched my heart with four little words: this isn’t about you.  This is about Him. This is about a ministry to spread His Word, not my words, and not my husband’s words.  If this calling was ever, EVER going to take root and grow, I had to get on board.  The body of Christ is only effective if every member does its part, and lately, I have been the heel.

I began to pray for God to forgive my disobedient spirit and to bless His ministry through us.  Something happened.  Something small, yet significant.  We got a call from my daughter saying she was coming to our church.  This may not seem like a big deal, but this set ministry in motion.  We studied God’s Word together, and then we discussed the future of Grace Church.  God moved in our hearts; things are going to happen.  We know some things will take time – everything in HIS time. However, rather than sitting around doing as little as possible, we’re moving forward.  The body of Christ that my husband and I represent is finally working as a whole … because the stubborn little heel finally embraced God’s plan.